I was doing research at the beginning of March into starting your own social media consulting agency/firm/business. I feel like I have a good understanding of what people like, what they want, and some knowledge about social media as an emerging platform in marketing today. I wanted to dabble in marketing at one point, and I’d really like to be into something innovative, where I can be my own boss. I’ve been finding a lot lately that I’ve been having very strange, odd personality clashes with certain kinds of people, and that I’d really probably rather be my own boss at this point. I don’t know what it is that causes this, usually. I tend to think it’s because people don’t understand me and my intentions, or they just don’t respect the way my mind works.
I was reading this article, and it was saying more or less why those with narcissistic personality disorders thrive on the internet and, in particularly, in social media. I tend to joke around a lot and accept that I am, in fact, a bit of a narcissist. I think it’s great to be into yourself, because it feeds into your self-esteem. If you’re not your biggest fan, then who else will be? Curiously, I read through a lot of the symptoms, and it bothered me a lot to realize that me claiming to be a narcissist is likely a lot more than a joke: I think I have this personality disorder. I tend to do things for myself without thinking about others (though this is not the reason for the personality clashes; more on that in another post.) – not usually out of a desire to be selfish, but because I just plain don’t actively think about other people, their needs, and their obligations.
I wonder, often, why I don’t get very many responses to my posts here, or my Youtube videos. I don’t think it’s because I’m boring, or because I don’t have anything profound to say. After reading that article, though, I came to the realization that it’s because I don’t openly encourage feedback, and it seems as if I wouldn’t value it. I don’t pose questions to my readers or viewers. I don’t actively solicit responses. I guess I was still following my tendencies from my Livejournal days (Lord I just dated myself), where it was more like a diary where I asked a bunch or rhetorical questions.
So what did I take away from this? Did I take away anything at all, or did I decide to just wallow in self-pity and bemoan the fact that the most important thing in my world is… well, me and my world? Thankfully, I did gain something from it. I have decided to spend more time trying to make my online presences more interactive. It makes for a better dialog anyway: if people feel that they can make contributions to your content, then they are likely more inclined to leave commentary and share it with their friends and family, so that they can leave their input, too. They want to be apart of the experience, not just bystanders.
I realized that in my personal life, I tend to be pretty selfish, too. I expect people to talk to me and call me, when I don’t always do my best to reach out to them. I guess I keep thinking that people are supposed to come to me, but then, I don’t always do that for other people. I like to think of myself as a good friend, girlfriend, and daughter, but to be honest, I don’t think that previously I really interacted with people in the same way that I expected them to interact with me. I know that I’m in my own little world a lot, but honestly. Sometimes I wonder if the internet has done this to me. I’ve been on it since I was about 10. It has made it so easy for me to build and indulge in my own little world that I don’t really tend to wander out of it a whole lot.
I’ve been working on becoming less selfish in my personal behaviors. I try to call other people to see how they’re doing, and I try to help out more around the house. I especially have been trying to give back in my relationship more than I’m getting. I think that, among other things that were definitely not my fault, that was part of what killed my last relationship.
Onto the fun part: do you see yourself as a selfish or selfless person? Do you tend to have the feeling that you are in your own little world? Do you make an effort to get out of your world and interact with others? Do you (if you know me) think that I’m selfish? And are you a narcissist too? (Please tell me that I’m not alone.)