I lack discipline. This is what has been keeping me from excelling. This post was actually started around the first or second of April; I’ve just been having THAT much of a difficult time getting back to it. Partially, I didn’t write it because I was afraid it might turn up in a search engine and expose my flaws to the world. Part of it has been, admittedly, because I was busy with temp assignments/working in the “real world”. But the thing of it is…
If I don’t get myself together, I’m not going to be able to excel. I want to be a stay at home worker. An artist. A writer. If I can’t keep myself focused on doing a task and executing it from start to finish, I’m never going to be able to achieve this. I don’t have to be told it twice and upside down to recognize that reality. I found in the last three to five years that there were no immediate consequences to dropping things (i.e., I wasn’t going to burst into flames). So I dropped a commitment here, dropped a commitment there….
When I started listening to Dave Ramsey, I started dropping commitments altogether. Hey, I had to buy groceries and pay the rent, so screw the credit card bill! (Note: Dave Ramsey’s approach only works for people in desolate situations. In all other situations, it will totally wreck your credit and a lot of other prospects, like your relationships with people and businesses.) This obviously wound me up in a lot of trouble, and along with taking care of a full-time boyfriend, I dropped my commitment to being a full-time student.
I could always make up the classes later, right?
Not so much.
Right now I am having to pay for classes out of pocket, meaning that I might end up taking 12 course hours at the local community college this summer so that I can get back to being eligible for things. I’m supposed to be an independent student this next school year, which means more student aid, but I have wound myself up yet AGAIN on academic probation, due to my habit of not finishing things ever. Yeah. It bites. I have a bunch of incomplete grades that need to be completed, and to be honest, considering how many fail grades I have now in art history, I am really thinking about forgetting this “University Studies” major option, going back to Art History, and cleaning up my mess.
I switched out of Art History, if you’ll remember (which most of you won’t) because I wanted to go into health and fitness. Gag.
Anyway. I need to repair those Incomplete/Fail grades on my transcript. I know it will at least partially bring my GPA back up. I’d love to get back into the studio art program, but I received a rejection for my first portfolio review. This wasn’t really my fault; it was due to the fact that all of a sudden now, BA students have to submit to the portfolio review, and I did not know this. I switched from the BFA to the BA so that I could avoid this hitch, because I quite frankly didn’t have any of my work with me when I moved here.
(Biggest mistake ever, by the way: if you are an artist, your work IS your resume. KEEP IT.)
So I’m going to probably be doing a lot of thinking and then talking to my partner, who really is my pace setter. He’s very successful, and so I’m going to try and match his speed. Please cross your fingers and toes for me. I’ve got an idea about the direction that I want to go (like I said before, I am going to do game design), but I really need to stay on the course. I know that this typically isn’t a personal-ish blog — well, that wasn’t my intent — but I’ve got to keep track of my journey somehow. Publishing it for other’s eyes seems to help me a ton.
Thanks for reading, if you did.