I am having a better day today and did yesterday than the day before. This morning I woke up and began to think and analyze where my student life went amiss, and where my focus got thrown.
Becoming a studio art major was the biggest mistake that I have made to dote in my career.
I used it as a means to get into the game design program at MSU, knowing that it wasn’t my passion; I allowed others to advise me to do something that will “actually make you some money”, and who steered me in a direction I was not concrete about. It is a very expensive major, one that I didn’t have the means to pay for, and although I enjoy art and art creation, it was not the thing I needed to focus on at that point.
Just realizing, after posting this: I love playing bassoon. I loved my bassoon. But I refused to study it in college, because I didn’t want to kill that love. I didn’t want that love to become a labor. I allowed people to change the creation of art and web design from my loves to my labors, and it killed them for me. I am not the best at them, nor do I strive to be. I do them because they are enjoyable. That’s all they should have and should ever be for me.
I’ve looked at this mistake, and will likely expand upon this and this entry more in the coming days, but I will also be moving forward from it.
My two greatest passions are teaching people and writing. I should have always recognized that, and I should have actively pursued it, unwaveringly. Right now, I have about three semesters worth of non-progress that I need to recoup. That’s a lot, for someone who has been paying for school on student loans. That’s a lot of interest-laden money out the window. But I will bounce back from it. I am ambitious. Briefly, I changed the name of this blog to “yet Casesar was ambitious”. It’s how I feel about myself.
I’ve been analyzing that operations consultant position, and determining how best to get there. I am wanting to finish up my degree in art history, which I do love (it combines my like of art with my passions for teaching and writing). I spoke to a friend yesterday, and she re-emphasized to me the need for focus; I have been everywhere since that semester in 2007 when I decided to become an art major. I haven’t had a clear plan of action. I was about to say that I had a clear idea of what classes I needed to take, but even thinking back to then, I didn’t.
My thoughts stopped, just now.
I explained my analysis with a coworker this morning, and she told me to keep a journal. I used to journal. I was a bit more focused when I journaled. That means that right now, in this phase of my life, journaling is going to be essential. I guess my next entry might be about my decisions I’ll be making to enact a new plan of action in my life, and what steps I’ll achieve to get there.
Mostly because I want to talk about this really cool laptop that I saw at Walmart yesterday for 300 bucks. 
