Yet Tearyne Is Ambitious…

I was doing research at the beginning of March into starting your own social media consulting agency/firm/business. I feel like I have a good understanding of what people like, what they want, and some knowledge about social media as an emerging platform in marketing today. I wanted to dabble in marketing at one point, and I’d really like to be into something innovative, where I can be my own boss. I’ve been finding a lot lately that I’ve been having very strange, odd personality clashes with certain kinds of people, and that I’d really probably rather be my own boss at this point. I don’t know what it is that causes this, usually. I tend to think it’s because people don’t understand me and my intentions, or they just don’t respect the way my mind works.

I was reading this article, and it was saying more or less why those with narcissistic personality disorders thrive on the internet and, in particularly, in social media. I tend to joke around a lot and accept that I am, in fact, a bit of a narcissist. I think it’s great to be into yourself, because it feeds into your self-esteem. If you’re not your biggest fan, then who else will be? Curiously, I read through a lot of the symptoms, and it bothered me a lot to realize that me claiming to be a narcissist is likely a lot more than a joke: I think I have this personality disorder. I tend to do things for myself without thinking about others (though this is not the reason for the personality clashes; more on that in another post.) – not usually out of a desire to be selfish, but because I just plain don’t actively think about other people, their needs, and their obligations.

Continue reading “(My) Narcissistic Personality Disorder” »

Yesterday I got all cute and dolled up, and to humor myself, I dragged my boyfriend to the mall, trying to find the skimpiest one piece I could find to try it on. There was a discovery of several things, one of which makes me wish I had taken pictures so that I could better visually share my findings with you… Click the break to read my findings!

1. Macy’s nor JC Penney’s has swimsuits that are suited to looking killer sexy. I was able to very obviously determine which stores were not going to have swimsuits that would situate my ample 36 DDD rackage (most of those stores were solely advertising bikinis in their front windows), but going through Macy’s and JCP was pretty disappointing. For one, most of their mainstream shopping demographic is not us. It’s mostly for older ladies. That said, I was able to find a lot of shirred front swimsuits (that one is from Saks Fifth Avenue) and safer two piece halter tops/aforementioned bikinis, but nothing really designed to be a sexy one piece.
2. Most of the urban/hip-hop stores that I saw have nothing to do with swimsuits. There are plenty, PLENTY of stores for our demographic that are selling killer shoes, and sometimes killer clothes, though I have noticed that mostly these stores are now carrying solely or mostly men’s clothing. That said, though, I saw none of the stores with swimsuits being advertised, nor inside the store at all. It was a little downer-ish, in part because I was hoping that at least one of them would be carrying the Baby Phat swimsuit line.
3. I am carrying more weight on my hips and middle than I thought. My weight fluctuated in this last month, due to a few factors like stress (my grandmother passed last month), so I’ve been around 186 to 192 pounds here and there. When I finally did find a decent size 14 swimsuit at Macy’s (black with a teal band at the top – it was very cute), I went to try it on. I wish I had taken a picture. I didn’t get all downer on myself, but it made me say aloud:

   “Where did that extra stuff on my hip come from???”
   (The lady in the stall next to me erupted into giggles.)

   I know that I need to bust in the cardio to reduce my overall fat content, but what I saw shocked me. My tummy is a little more than a cute little pooch right now, and I can forgive that. But there was chubbiness resting on my hips that showed up as a roll on the swimsuit. Definitely not good. My breasts look okay (as always), but I really need to get back to hitting the cardiotrain (as Alicia Marie calls it) soon.

4. If I want a sexy swimsuit, I’m probably going to have to order online. Most of the mall stores seem to either appeal to the mainstream demographic or tweens with no breasts. I want a swimsuit that emphasizes and flaunts what I’ve got, with some urban appeal to it. I loved the Baby Phat line of swimsuits that I saw, and so I’m likely going to peruse their site for awhile and see what they have as far as offerings. That will be another blog post for another time.

Nope! I have not forgotten about this blog. I’ve been getting my house in order, literally and figuratively. I just ordered business cards for the blog to pass out from Vistaprint and got 500 premium cards for 10.00. There’s a link they gave me to share it with other people, so here ya go.

Save up to 80% on custom printed products at Vistaprint. Order today!

I was inspired by a Facebook post made by my friend Ashley L., which made me wonder: what are the things that I want to do before I turn 30? I’m going to work on this list, obviously, but here are a few things.

• GRADUATE FREAKING COLLEGE
• Earn a seven figure salary
• Join an NPHC sorority’s graduate chapter
• Start my own chain of fitness centers for the black community
• Start my own brand of meal supplements, plans, and replacements inspired by soul food staples.
• Get married
• Have at least one kid
• Become a fitness model
• Become a personal trainer with a large, successful portfolio of clientele
• Become a group fitness instructor
• Design several group fitness classes and programs, of a variety that is appealing to the urban scene and also low-cost that can be transferred into the home environment
• Win the IFBB title
• Win a bunch of fitness figure competitions
• Form my own urban-themed fitness figure competition
• Appear on the cover of Oxygen magazine
• Move back to Michigan
• Own a house
• Publish Destined.
• Make at least 2 visual novels

I was looking at my older pictures I had taken of myself, to monitor my progress, when I came to this realization:

My room  entire apartment has been the same disorganized mess as it was when I started dating my boyfriend back in April of 2010.

This is not acceptable. I don’t think that I properly acknowledge the passage of time, and I also think that I am lazy. I’m fixing this. If I were him, I’d probably have broken up with me by now. Or at least, I would heavily not consider taking the relationship to any deeper of a level.

I’m going to fix this. I wish I didn’t have to be up at 5 AM tomorrow morning for work. I’m already freaking out and worrying.

The name of the blog has changed again, to mimic one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite plays. This is my personal life blog now, I guess. I’ll link the other ones on the side. The website I used to use for hair care now has their blogs disabled from being viewed on the front page, so I don’t really life blog there anymore.

Anyway.

I have the next two weeks to myself – I won’t be able to spend any of it with my boyfriend, because I’m working in preparation for the Super Bowl the next two Saturdays. I’m going to have this apartment spotless and everything moved out. I had an interesting situation where a friend moved in, but due to some crazy stuff like soldiers going AWOL and cars breaking down, she moved out to stay with family for awhile.

Yeah.

I also have a dog here whose owners I knew. I found him and took him in until they came back for him. I just found out a few days ago that they moved away. They dumped him and moved away.

Yeah.

Just… yeah. I take on too many problems when I haven’t sorted out my own. No longer.

http://www.marketwire.com/press-release/Black-Womens-Health-Findings-in-The-Urban-Shopper-1378078.htm

Hey everyone! I know it’s been quite some time.  I’ve been so busy – I finally got to go home for Christmas for the first time in two years to see my parents. The video is hilarious. But I’ve been busy every weekday from 7:00 am to 3:00pm because…

I got a full-time job, with benefits, at one of the top gyms in my region!

I am so pumped and psyched out about it. It’s a great environment, with great supervisors and a freaking great customer base. The place really feels like a community. Everyone is so supportive of me and my aspirations to grow. I can’t ask for a better place to work, learn, and grow, and I hope that I’m able to do my best to contribute back to the company and to prove to them what they already know – that I’m the best choice for the job. I’m learning that I need to mature some more, to match my abilities, and that I need to stop quitting.

I’m going to classes in the evening full-time nearby, so pray that I don’t explode into a bunch of Tearyne confetti. The big bonus about this job is that, of course, I get a free membership to the gym (and some discounts to go with it), and since I’m at the gym every day, I have no excuse not to get into the gym.

BALLER!

So, my goal is to lose at least 4 pounds a week every week until April 19, 2011 (13 weeks from now). I ate really poorly over the holidays, and I’m now 194.4 lbs. If I follow this plan, I’ll lose 52 pounds — putting me down to 142 pounds. That’s a pretty steep decline, but I’m also hoping to put on muscle. My plan is to incorporate at least 30 minutes of cardio 4 times a week and maybe, maybe some weights, if I’m lucky (I’ve got classes that start at 5:30 on my burner…).

I’m redoing the about section and refining what this blog is about in a bit here. Thanks for reading and catching up with my fit life; hope to be writing for you guys again soon here.

Sorry for those who might be watching this blog. Forgot that my domain name payment was due.

I have a bunch of REALLY GREAT news to tell you too! However, I’m on my way out to celebrate some of that great news right now. If you’ve been following me on Twitter, you already know!

Hi everyone! I’m in Ohio right now, spending the rest of the year with my loved ones (they still live up North). It’s nice, because while I’m here, I have relatively little to worry and wonder about. I don’t have to cook or clean (and you guys know how much I hate cleaning), and I can just sit back and relax… and think. I am currently trying to think up my plans for myself in the coming years. I am no longer just a planner, though; I’m a do-er.

Everyone knows that with the new year comes New Year’s resoultions, and they always include things like lose weight, save money, get organized. These things are on my list, of course, but they’re also deeper. I don’t make New Years resolutions lightly; I make them to resolve issues. After I’ve resolved those issues, I maintain that resolve to hold them tight. I’m trying to sort out the good stuff from the junk, and to figure out just what I’m going to do with my new business venture, Kaali Billi Innovations. I’m trying to keep oil separate from water, because I keep catching myself trying to mix the two of them together. For instance, I am going to devote more time to being a freelance writer and artist; the freelance writing has nothing to do with the vision that I have for KBI to be a mind, body, and soul enriching business, though, so I have to keep reminding myself that when I form my business plan, that won’t be apart of it.

Right now I’m keeping everything sorted in Notepad, which is a nice, non-distracting little program; I use it more and more to write my articles that I am working on for the various sites that I work for – either that, or Wordpad. I don’t need a bunch of fancy formatting for most of these, so it works out very well for me. I am thinking about switching to Google Documents, for a more central, always available place to keep my files and have them always available to me. I’ll look into that more in-depth, but that is also something that I’ve dabbled in and experienced pretty good success with.

One other thing that I’m having to battle is keeping my dreams separate from my ambitions. I fell in love with art history again, thanks to Professor Ingleright-Telgenhoff, and I have to remember that right now, that doesn’t have a place in my life. Next semester I’m going to be focusing on beginning and finishing my AAS in Dietetic Science so that I can become a dietetic technician because that is where my passion deeply lies. I’m pretty sure that if I transfer my university credits over, I can knock out the degree in a very short amount of time. Once I do that, I’ll be able to have some real, solid cash flow coming in, from a career field that has some demand, being that it is related to the health sciences, and I will be able to start forming stability in my life.

Once I have the money to pay for the rest of my Uni degree and the art history degree that I’ve been pining over, I’ll do those, but no more student loans for me at this point in my life. I’ll either have the money to pay for my degree, tuition, books, and fees (grants is included in here) or I won’t. Simple as that.

I think that this entry is done for now. The SEO thing is going to kill me for not making this more precise and marketable and all that jazz, but I can deal with that for now. Later gators.

Stability was the name of a post I intended to finish, which stated that in September I was declaring that I was striving to seek stability in my day to day life. Yesterday, I got confronted by my boss at my job, because one of my coworkers saw that I had made a very civil, adult complaint about how she was doing the scheduling — scheduling which has caused me much instability, and paired with her bully personality was inflexible. If you came to her trying to explain that the shift that she put you on at 3PM today for 9 AM in the morning the next day – a day that you had planned off – she would simply shrug and say, “Find someone to cover your shift”. She has a pretty ruthless reputation for this, and I was warned before I started and at the beginning by fellow coworkers that she was like this. Just recently she’s begun hiring outside staff to try to fill the gap, but typically she’d tell you either to find someone to cover your shift, or that you’d have to work it yourself.

I do not apologize for the comments that I wrote on facebook, because they were in no way defamatory. The coworker who took my comments in to her, Matthew, has been there for awhile and I suspect just wanted brownie points because I had said that this was the second time I’d talked to her about this, that I had documentation, and that if it occurred again I would speak to her boss because she was simply not listening.

That guy is an asshole. But we’re moving on from that. I don’t have time for kiss-ups that want to play games at work.

The point of this is, the job is a major source of instability for me. I had planned a few Thursdays ago to do my research paper one night, but on the Wednesday before that, I found suddenly that I was scheduled to work that Thursday night, when I was planning to turn the paper in. When I am thrown off from a pattern or routine or plans, I don’t do very well; I have yet to learn how to cope with this. Right now, I am fretting the 15 pages that I’ve under-researched for and still have to write, paired with an 8 page incomplete assignment from last semester and a final exam. I am horrible at time management, and when things like yesterday and that last time occur, I simply have a hard time getting things back together. Yesterday’s session with my boss included her talking about rumors that I did this thing wrong, that thing wrong, that I wasn’t good enough, etc…. Yet I didn’t get written up, nor was I released. I have my suspicions as to why I was released, but after countless questioning as to “what we should do to change this situation”, I asked her:

“You and the team seem to be alright with the policies for work schedules that you have, and you don’t seem to think that I am a capable worker. My question is, why don’t you just let me go, if I am that bad of a worker?”

She said that there were good things about me, too, but then when I asked her what good things there were, she claimed that she couldn’t pinpoint it because she’d never worked with me – which makes me wonder why she could confirm the rumors that I wasn’t a hard worker, that I didn’t put my all into the events I worked, and that I didn’t seem to care about my work when my clients and other people that I work with seem to think the opposite.

Point blank, Matthew is still an asshole for this whole ordeal. I spent the rest of the afternoon reeling and seething mad, especially because Matthew lied and said that I argued with a client – something I have NEVER done and never will do.

The summation, however, is this: this job promotes a lot of instability in my life, both time-wise and emotionally. I don’t have time for people who like to bully others in the background but wear halos in the foreground, claiming that it’s good management or character building, or whatever. I am supposed to be focused on making myself happy and stable. On the money front, there have been spans of two week periods where I have not even gotten one shift, and that is unacceptable for my financial situation. I need a job where I am guaranteed work without the hassle that this job has given me, so as soon as is viable, I am seeking a position which can guarantee me at least 30 hours a week with a semi-regular schedule.

I care about and love MYSELF, as a person and a student. I will not let a JOB that won’t lead to a career wreck my future.