I have finally started what will hopefully be my last evaluation and goal planning session for myself — at least for a long time going. I’ve come to realize that my future is happening, right now, and that before I can tackle it I need to have a true, deep understanding of myself. Some of my current, more personal circumstances have helped me to realize that I need to start getting focused on doing me.
I’ve always done a few goal planning things here and there. Most of the time it’s been effective, but over the last two years, it’s rarely been me-centric. It’s been an us-centric thing. I need to be the most important person in my world right now. It’s a little scary slash terrifying, looking so deep into oneself, but at the same time it’s exhilirating and exciting; who exactly is it that I will find in there? I know her, but at the same time, I don’t feel like I’ve put much into developing her.
Another part of this new situation has me seriously reconsidering married life. It’s made me realize — what is it I want to, HAVE TO do before I become someone’s wife? Toward the terminal part of my last relationship, I was thinking about this, but now I’ve come to terms with the fact that there are some things that I feel like I HAVE to do before I get married. That I want to get done. The beauty of the situation is that it’s crazy-liberating — like I can finally get around to me.
I believe that I can only be a good life partner to whomever is my other half if I am a fully functioning, whole person. It is a journey that I have to fulfill myself, because it involves an intimate understanding of myself. I cannot complete the other things that I want in life — success in marriage, success in business, etc., without this. It will take a full understanding of myself and taking steps to realize my skills before I can set forward into my dreams and ambitions.
MY dreams and ambitions. God, it feels good to say that after spending two years planning someone else’s life for him.